I wish I only lived at night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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