Your dad touched me again.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
