haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
