I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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