Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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