Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
