Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
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So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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