Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
