I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
