69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
