I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
