Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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