My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
