Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
