she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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