I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
