First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
