It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
