youre lurking in front of me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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