made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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