Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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