I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
