Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
