my sisters under your porch take her home
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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