i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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