Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
