I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We got so high we made milksteak
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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