recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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