this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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