Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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