I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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