Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
