there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
