he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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