no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
