i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
