I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
