please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
