But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
