i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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