After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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