tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
