Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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