Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize