I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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