yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
