omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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