"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
