i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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