I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
