3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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