You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
