I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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