the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize