Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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