idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
