My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
