Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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