hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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