I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
foreskin is a definite game changer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
