You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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