i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
