Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
