I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
