So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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