Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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