He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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