haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
