the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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